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MST3K 815 - Agent for H.A.R.M.
The Movie Synopsis Agent for H.A.R.M. East Germany, 1966: the Cold War is raging, and scientist Dr. Jan Stefanik has a secret biological weapon. He defects, on foot and in broad daylight, clutching an ordinary briefcase containing "spore-forming meteorite fragments" closely pursued by the Red Army. He makes it to the US, but not before his companion is killed by a beret-sporting double agent with a gun that shoots instant-flesh-eating spores into his face. Now Stefanik resides in a "Section Eight" beach house-cum-lab outside San Diego where he is independently working on a spore antidote. It's clearly a state-of-the-art scientific laboratory, being elaborately equipped with a test tube rack, a Bunsen burner and a monkey. Living with him is his lovely-ish Norwegian bikini-clad archer and niece Eva whose existence he was unaware of until recently. Just across the border in Mexico, a team from the Biological Warfare Commissariat of his former country has established operations, headed by the height-challenged, effete, milk-drinking, bow-tie wearing, neck-less, Peter Lorre-ish Malko. They are planning to attack America, and they are determined to obtain Stefanik's spore antidote formula. The Commies are preparing to spray the spores on American crops and they are cooking up a big batch. (It's either spores or porridge they are making - they use a big open kettle and they employ no gloves, face masks, air filters, or any other protection against the "deadly" spores that can instantly eat their faces off). Enter our hero, Adam Chance (Mark Richman), agent for H.A.R.M. (Human Aetiological Relations Machine). Adam is dispatched by boss Jim Grant (the aphasic, apparently plastered Wendell Corey, also seen in Women of the Prehistoric Planet) to investigate the murder of Stefanik's lab assistant. Adam soon arrives at the beach house to kick ass and flirt with Eva in an age-inappropriate manner (Richman is 39 but seems older... much older). Stefanik welcomes Chance by serving him a cocktail in a test tube and the dope actually drinks it. Meanwhile, Eva is secretly talking to someone through her twenty-dollar off-the-shelf portable record player. Chance proceeds to battle the bad guys as only an agent of H.A.R.M. can - wearing a canary yellow cardigan and welding goggles and riding a moped. Action! See Chance drive well within the speed limit in his bland beige convertible. Thrill! As Chance wields his risible collection of "cool" high-tech devices, such as the Norelco electric shaver / sound recorder and the "transistorcom with sonar tracing beam" location device. Kvell! As Adam whizzes around on his girly motorcycle and maintains appliances, and Reflect! on how a yellow cardigan adds a minimum of twenty-five years to your apparent age. Will Adam stop the Red Menace from obtaining the formula for the antidote and poisoning American apple pies? Are the spores more dangerous than trans fats? Will Adam's cardigan be successfully dry-cleaned? Information *Produced as a television pilot for a new spy series, it was given a theatrical release instead. *H.A.R.M. stands for "Human Aetiological Relations Machine." "Aetiology" is a British variant of "etiology," which is the branch of medical science concerned with causes and origins of diseases. This full wording is seen at the top of the world map in the very last scene of the movie. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060074/trivia *The four-plex where this was filmed in Santa Monica can be seen here , thanks to Street View! (The neighborhood has built up since 1966, though.) *As an example of the low budget the production had, all filming seems to have been done in Santa Monica, Malibu, and the Malibu hills; would shooting in San Diego (where the movie is supposed to take place) really have cost that much more? The Episode Host Segments * Prologue Servo and Crow are extreeeeme! If you can call yoga and stamp collecting extreeeeme! Mike chooses rice. They learn that some things are hard to make extreme. * Segment 1 Mike is still not extreme until he disappears. He has been taken to a mysterious location where he is to be put on trial by the Intergalactic Tribunal for blowing up Deep Ape, The Observers' homeworld, and the Camping Planet. And a failure to yield. Mike inadvertently chooses Professor Bobo as his lawyer and Pearl as his prosecutor because the judge doesn't understand sarcasm. * Segment 2 Crow tries to bake a power saw into a torte. The trial continues below, with Pearl imaginatively using props to make her point. Bobo channels Matlock to help his defense abilities, decides the word "panties" must be used, and then declares his disdain for Mike. * Segment 3 Bobo calls on the Bots as character witnesses via video depositions. Tom's deposition never gets past the guest stars. Crow's is rendered incomprehensible due the constant bleeping for expletives. Bobo accuses Gypsy of hearsay in her (harmless, even helpful) deposition. * Segment 4 Tom and Crow search for legal loopholes to help Mike. Meanwhile, Brain Guy takes the stand as a witness to describe the destruction of his world, and takes the dramatics a bit far. Somehow, Bobo manages to poke a hole in his testimony using his deep and abiding love of...pie. Yes, pie. * Final Segment The Bots hold a candlelight vigil, awaiting Mike's execution. Ortega is a witness, although his testimony is somewhat limited. Bobo calls a Little Amish Boy to the stand, who denies Mike's crime; Pearl's cross-examination deteriorates into an argument over the pros and cons of Amish fudge. The judge reaches a verdict: Mike is guilty and is sentenced to death. However, since Mike is basically a likable guy, his sentence is commuted to 800 hours of community service. * Stinger A scientist is knocked almost unconscious. Other Notes Guest Stars *''Judge: Bill Corbett *''Ortega: Paul Chaplin *''Little Amish Boy: Bradley J. Keely Miscellanea *'Unusual credits': Mike can be heard picking up trash through the credits. Obscure References *"Titles by e.e. cummings and k.d. lang."'' Both e.e. cummings, the poet, and k.d. lang, the singer, were known for spelling their names without capital letters. *''"Tonight on Michael Collins, P.I...!"'' 'Michael Collins was an Irish revolutionary and I.R.A. soldier; he was shot and killed during the Irish Civil War in 1922, a few weeks before his 32nd birthday. *''"Mr. Peepers, P.I."'' [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Peepers Mr. Peepers] was an early NBC sitcom (1952-55) starring Wally Cox as the title character, a junior high school science teacher. *''"I drink a lot, how come '''I never made the Dewar's Profile?"'' A reference to a series of magazine ads Dewar's Scotch produced. The dignitaries profiled include LeRoy Neiman, Jememiah Tower, and Jerry Orbach. *''"PBR me, ASAP!"'' An old advertising slogan for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, many years before hipster scumbags popularized it. *''(As Dr. Stefanik picks up a syringe) "I'll have to go under my tongue with this one..."'' Long-term intravenous drug users start running out of non-collapsed or scarred veins after a while, which necessitates locating un-used veins in unusual places on the body. (I've seen it done. The best deterrent for ever trying heroin? Live around junkies.) *''(singing) "Close the window, come alive..."'' A line from the 1977 song We're All Alone ; sung by Rita Coolidge and written by Boz Scaggs. *''(singing) "You don't have to be rich to be my girl..."'' ''The above is a line from the song Kiss , by everyone's favorite Minneapolis sex-munchkin .... And you know what? I'm not gonna bother noting every stinkin' Prince reference made as a riff, 'cos there's one every time the black guy appears on screen. *"Well, that's the last Taco John's we'll see for a while."'' Taco John's is a Mexican-ish fast food chain in the Midwest. It's sort of like Taco Bell, only more bland. *''"NAFTA's really workin'!"'' ''The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) was an economic policy implemented in 1994 between the United States, Mexico, and Canada, which eliminated tariffs and other trade barriers between the three countries. (Whether NAFTA helped further actual free trade or simply reinforced continent-wide corporatocracy can be debated elsewhere.) *"He's got a wrist harmonica in case he runs into John Popper!"'' John Popper is an American musician known for his harmonica-playing. *''"Perhaps, much like Linus, I can wrap my cardigan around the tire."'' A reference to A Charlie Brown Christmas, where Linus wraps his blanket around the Kite-Eating Tree. *''"He made his own gravy!"'' From a series of 70s-era Chuck Wagon commercials. *''"Da da DA DA!"'' At several points, Mike and the bots hum the first few bars of the main James Bond theme, as a sarcastic comparison of the action-packed Bond movies to this far more action-less movie. Notes *Patrick Brantseg's first appearance as Gypsy. *This episode includes the first mention of Mike's love of bleached and enriched rice, which would carry on into the last episode of the series. Category:MST3K Episodes Category:Season 8 Category:TV Pilot Category:Unreleased Episodes Category:Spy film Category:Unrated movies Category:Episodes directed by Michael J. Nelson